Febuary 20 2025: I don't know anymore
I don't really know what to type here. It's not like anything really significant has happened to me yet. I'm still a fucking wreck. I haven't found a new job yet. The world is still burning down, and I still haven't really done much about it.
I did buy a terrarium kit a while ago, and took a crack at growing something for once. And despite barely knowing what the hell I'm doing, it's been growing well. A little too well, but I digress. I guess that's a bright spot. Also have a crystal growing kit and a crochet thing too that I got a while ago, back when I still had a job. I tried giving those diamond dots things a shot, but I might just get rid of the damn thing. It's tedious, produces WAY too much plastic, and it's messy as shit. The diamond dots stuff looked fun on paper, but it's just a waste of money. -_-
I've been thinking about volunteering for a while, and now that I have all the time in the world, I might actually try giving it a shot. I tried looking at mutual aid groups, but I haven't found anything local. The closest one's too far away for me to attend regularly. There are soup kitchens around here, and also a library. Could be a good idea to look there. I desperately need to get out of the house and do something.
Febuary 3 2025: Back to the job market
I quit my job a couple days ago. The stress was getting to much. I was often working overtime, I kept having to bring my own safety equipment, and the machines kept breaking. I gained a lot of weight working there, and the exposure to toxic chemicals ment that I kept coughing up a storm. Worst of all, it felt like that I wasn't really going anywhere. that if I stayed there that I would just keep working at that dead end job until I died. So yeah, I left. I wish that I had another job lined up ahead of time, but my financial situation is stable enough that I still have a bit of breathing room.
It wasn't all bad though. Most of the staff was chill and understanding. but the damage that my job was doing to my mental and physical health was too great to ignore. I was starting to rely on to alcohol and porn to provide some kind of relief. I was starting to become rude, and pushy, and I swear that I was hearing and seeing shit somethimes. I don't regret quitting, but I do wish that it was on better terms. The company sucked ass, but the staff deserved better still.
So now, I'm stuck with figuring out what I want to do in the future. I need a long-term plan for a carrer, but with AI and shit, finding a job that I'll still have after a few years is going to be difficult. I could go back to Walmart, but I quit that shit for a reason. Maybe something with hotels? I wouldn't mind working at a hotel. I know that I could give college another shot, but I've always struggled with higher education. More often than not, the assignments would stress me out and be far too restrictive. College sounds good on paper, but I don't wanna wait 3-4 years just to have a remote shot at landing a decent job. Hell, I doubt I'll even be alive within the next 3-4 years anyway.
I keep having this feeling of impending doom. Like the world's about to end or something. Maybe I'm just freaking out over nothing. Maybe, I'm just going crazy, and need to see a therapist. At least, I hope that I'm just going crazy and that we'll all be fine. Maybe, instead about worrying about the state of the world, I should just focus on getting my shit together. I mean, you can't save the world, but you can still save yourself... right?